Caitlin Doughty is one of those people I would very much like to sit down and have a conversation with. Arguably, multiple conversations about a million different topics would probably not be enough to satiate my curiosity. I was familiar with Caitlin’s work first through her YouTube channel. That eventually led me to listen to her podcast, Death in the Afternoon. Her books had been on my radar for a while, but, even knowing as much as I did about Caitlin and her work, there was still so much to learn from her.
Let’s start with Caitlin’s personal journey with death and, more importantly, death acceptance. Similar to the majority of Americans, Caitlin was not born into the world with a positive outlook on death. She discusses her experiences with death as a child and how that shaped her. She freely admits to getting into the death industry to reform it. As Caitlin begins her journey, she is confronted with the realization that her original thoughts on “reforming” the death industry actually play into her fear of her own mortality. In confronting this realization and furthering her experience in the death industry, she determines her ultimate goal is to spread death positivity and preparedness.
Caitlin discusses death in different cultures to contrast it with what death culture in the United States is like. It becomes fairly clear that the way death is handled in the US is often behind closed doors. Where once we cared for our dead loved ones in the home, we now outsource the process. It’s no longer the norm to be exposed to the dead. At least, not the dead in their natural state. Our dead are carted off to be pumped with chemicals and made up as if they were merely sleeping. In this tradition, we’re able to avoid the reality that is our own mortality. Because, ultimately, we are hiding our dead and by extension hiding from our own mortalities.
This book makes for an excellent first step in looking more deeply at one’s relationship with death. Caitlin’s work is truly an inspiration in that regard. From my first exposure to her work, I began to truly contemplate my own death. What would I want done with my body? How can my death align with my beliefs in life? After reading this book, I’ve realized that while it’s a good first step to be contemplating these questions, the next step would be to have discussions with my friends and family. Death is coming for all of us. We can’t run or hide from it. So we might as well confront it.